This is Scottie, who seems to have a lot to say about women every time I talk to him. Tonight’s topic of conversation? The three questions a woman should never ask a man:
1. What are you thinking?
2. How many people have you slept with?
3. Do I look fat in these pants?
According to the word of Scottie, the reason a woman should never ask these questions is because she doesn’t really want to hear the truth (truthful answers typically go as follows: “I was thinking about what I want to eat for breakfast,” “Do threesomes count?,” and “If you have to ask if you look fat, then you probably do.”).
The thing is, I’m astounded at how bothered some men tend to get when asked these questions, because it’s so freaking easy to make a woman happy with a simple one-liner. Smart answers would be: “I was thinking that you’re the most wonderful woman in the world,” “I can’t remember any women I’ve slept with before you because you’re the most amazing one I’ve ever been with,” and “Your butt is so perfect that you couldn’t look bad in anything you put on.”
And if you think it’s wrong to be less than 100 percent truthful in a relationship, I’m betting that the happiest couples tell each other little white lies on a daily basis. Honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to what women want. I mean, we don’t really need to know that our man is wondering who is winning the game when he’s holding you in his arms—there’s nothing wrong with making us believe that we’re the only thing that’s on your mind. Ha!