I have a confession to make: Iíve started smoking again. (Mom, donít kill me!) I fell back on excuses such as, ďIím sad about my break up,Ē or ďItís so stressful looking for work.Ē Iíve learned that no matter what is going on in my life, I can always find a justification for lighting up. And Iím angry at myself for it.
I know that smoking gives you wrinkles, bad breath and cancer (yikes!). But those risks seem far off and intangible. Puffing is the one time of the day where I can stop and watch the world go by, where I donít feel guilty for simply standing still. Itís an excuse to just stop for a moment.
But I hate being dependent on anythingóit makes me feel weak. And Iíve always been able to accomplish the things Iíve set my mind to (travel the world for a year, move to NYC to get a magazine job, pay my way through college). So why is quitting cigarettes so hard?!
As motivation, Iím using the money I would have spent on a pack of butts to buy myself flowers. And Iím going to start meditating again, because maybe my body is telling me that I just need to be still and breathe every day. I know, buying myself a bouquet and taking deep breaths as a remedy to stop smoking sounds like womenís magazine crap. But nothing else has worked for me so far, so guess Iíve got nothing to lose. Wish me luck!